My boyfriend's back...
Umm. Okay. So my husband is on a soccer team with my ex-boyfriend. An ex from a long time ago--he was my first "real" boyfriend. I'm not going to go into what "real" means, but suffice it to say this guy was very influential in my life. We were together in my senior year of high school for a couple months. And then I continued to pine for him for about 3 years. Yes, I had other boyfriends in that time, but up until meeting my husband--I kid you not--this guy pretty much goes down as the MIBE (Most Influential Boyfriend Ever). Not like he made me a better person, more like he destroyed me (by ripping my heart out) and my confidence (by breaking up with me) and I would get all nervous around him whenever I saw him after we broke up. I did some questionable things, like dating some of his friends, but I always considered myself above reproach since I was the Dumped (rather than the Dumpee, who has no rights whatsoever). And because I was (inexplicably) so crazy about him.
Now we're both married, and he and Mike play soccer together. It should be noted, as an aside (because Mike might be reading this), that Mike is not only a far better soccer player, he is also much better looking than my ex. But here's my question (and I would really appreciate feedback here): whose responsibility is it to be friendly first when we see each other at a game? My ex's wife is also on the soccer team that Mike joined. I have no ill will toward either of them, but I find the situation extremely awkward, since I feel like they should say hi to me first, instead of it being the other way around. After our painful encounter last night, Mike accused me of being rude (to my ex-boyfriend--hello!). Is it really my job to say hi first?
By the way, I apologize for the ridiculous nature of this email...
Now we're both married, and he and Mike play soccer together. It should be noted, as an aside (because Mike might be reading this), that Mike is not only a far better soccer player, he is also much better looking than my ex. But here's my question (and I would really appreciate feedback here): whose responsibility is it to be friendly first when we see each other at a game? My ex's wife is also on the soccer team that Mike joined. I have no ill will toward either of them, but I find the situation extremely awkward, since I feel like they should say hi to me first, instead of it being the other way around. After our painful encounter last night, Mike accused me of being rude (to my ex-boyfriend--hello!). Is it really my job to say hi first?
By the way, I apologize for the ridiculous nature of this email...
posted by Lady Ursula at 11:11 AM
9 Comments:
Theoretically MIBE should say hi first, but you know that people never do what they should do, especially guys. And better to break down and be the bigger person than allow more uncomfortable situations to occur. Sometimes I get really mad that I'm always the one who has to smooth things over and rebel and stop trying to make everyone feel comfortable, but it gets me nowhere and I just end up having to work harder at making everyone comfortable later. So might as well be the first hi-sayer. Then you can just smugly tell yourself later how you were the bigger person and apparently have the bigger balls between you and the MIBE.
You're right, Jen, as usual. I definitely have the bigger balls, and I love feeling smug. (Nice MIBE link, by the way.) Being the smoother-overer sucks! It's nice to know I'm not alone.
I think Jen is right, but on days when you don't feel like being the bigger person, you could say "hi" while looking at your watch, your cell phone, or ogling your husband's soccer buns. So it seems more like an obligatory and disinterested "hi" than a genuine one. But I'm petty like that (on certain days). And, while I'm here, Jen, I'm glad that Ethel is doing better.
mike is totally wrong.
jen has a good theory but that's not something i could act on.
i am way pettier than amanda.
i'd tell mike "hey me simply being RUDE to him should be the LEAST of your worries, be GLAD that's all i did!!!"
who picked that team? blech.
What would Miss Manners Do??? :) heehee...bye the way~ Mike is totally better looking. MIBE is nice and so is his wife but WHO CARES! so who said hi first? Just wondering?
Mike cares! Which then made me care. So, I just needed some validation. Thank you Jen, Amanda, and Carolyn. I am going to try to be the bigger woman with the bigger balls on Thursday--we'll see how it goes. I'm not sure what Miss Manners would do. Probably something that seems polite and friendly on the outside, but is actually sort of devious and mean.
Renel, totally missed the question at the end there. I can't remember who said hi first. I think it was me. Or maybe it was him. Maybe it was more like a mutual "hi" smile, after much awkward silence.
I'm throwing up everywhere. Thanks.
Super MIBE link by the way, Jen.
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